Why would you feel hopeless? Are we not all sooooo blessed? We all have some family around us. We have good health. We are privileged and by the fact you’re using tumblr I can assume are living in a safe country with internet access and a computer. So you and I are basically living the life of the elite in this world.
You need to change your perspective. I hate to put myself on the spot and making it personal but I will in hope of helping you: I’m a few years older than you even and I’m single. Shouldn’t I be more hopeless than you since I’m older? But I’m not. I have a bunch of friends who are even older than me and are single. Marriage isn’t your goal in life. Marriage is a means. Marriage isn’t what disney portrays to you that you’ll live happily ever after. No actually, when you get married you’ll have a lot of ups and downs and the reason marriage is good for your deen is because it will make you realize your shortcomings and you can potentially change and improve. See marriage as a tool that you want ONLY because God wants it. Not because you want it out of your own desire and fantasy. If Allah doesn’t want it right now, it’s for our greater good. We submit. We just make dua and ask Him to take care of the rest.
Before you were born God made a house warm and safe ready for you. He had your parents prepared with all that food and clothes and a great environment for you to be raised. He gave you all you have now. He let you go to school and become educated. He planned all your life and all it’s details and then are you telling me when you turn 28, God is going to pause and say, “oops my bad, I TOTALLY forgot to create them a spouse!!!”. Absolutely not. It’s our view of Allah that is problematic. Allah is the best of planners. He hasn’t forgotten any of us. It’s so easy for Him in any second to send you your spouse. But He hasn’t yet. Why? there is a greater good in it and you need to be content and submit that whenever the right time will come, He will send you that person. It might be when you’re 35, so be it. Live your life in servitude of God meanwhile. My friend Umema died a month ago in a car accident and she was 25 and single. If any of us knew we were going to die tomorrow, would we be wasting so much time worrying and grieving why we are single?!
We always focus on that one thing missing in our life. That one thing. Well guess what, there will always be that one thing we won’t have. We are so ungrateful and forget the the billions of other things we have in our lives. If we don’t change our perspective this cycle is endless. You’ll end up getting married and then be upset why you dont have kids or aren’t getting pregnant or why you only are giving births to all girls or all boys. Then if God grants you kids, you’ll find another reason in life to be hopeless and feel like you’re not happy. You’ll be unhappy why your husband doesn’t buy an expensive house or spend more money, why doesn’t your mother in law speak nicer to you, etc etc.
You’ll watch a lot of your friends get married one by one. Be happy for them. Celebrate with them and pray for them. Don’t lose hope or compare. Marriage has no correlation with how pretty, or how skinny, or how wealthy, or how healthy you are. It’s Allah’s will. Some of the prettiest girls are single while some girls who have major illnesses get married. None of these are factors. The one factor in this equation is Allah’s will. He has all the potential single guys and girls in stock in His store. He decides when to take you off the shelf and give you to your spouse. While you’re in that waiting room, be grateful you even made it there. That you’re alive. That God even created you in the first place to know Him and worship Him. You could have been a flower, an animal, a rock, anything and He chose you to be a human who can reach to a level higher than angels.
I lost my brother a year ago. I realized that for the longest time all that all I was focused on was how sad it is that I’ve literally lost my best friend, the person I was so close to, and I can never ever see him again till I go to the other world. Did it suck? yes. But why? because my perspective sucked. I was making myself suffer. Now change the lense: I want to think positive and thank Allah for even giving me a brother for 20 years. I’m grateful I had that experience. God could have never given me a brother and He did. Shouldn’t I be grateful? Shouldn’t I feel so blessed that God gave me this experience that many people don’t get to taste and I’m so unworthy of it. Even the death and departure experience is so wonderful. If I look at it from the lense of being grateful then it doesn’t suck. Then I don’t feel depressed. Then I’m just in awe of God and want to love Him more and just thank Him for planning my life and writing the script however he wants and I’ll try to be content with it.
Lastly, I told this to one of my friends and she told me it helped her so I’ll mention it to you here. The date of your marriage is destined and written by Allah. It can be in 6 months, in can be in 3 weeks, it can be in 2 years, or 10 years. Whatever it is, it’s written. Now, if you know that date exist out there and it’s going to come … won’t you be so ashamed to Allah when that date comes eventually and you’ll be looking back how depressed and how upset you were, wasting so many years of your life being ungrateful for being single? You will be and so will many of us. It’s going to come and you dont want to look back thinking you wasted the prime and precious years of your life being upset over it. We will be sooo ashamed of God why we lived miserable lives for that time period. Think about how that date is written and is going to come. It will, I promise you. You do your duty towards Allah and be a good muslim and Allah will provide you a spouse, a good life, rizg and much more from places you would never imagine.
Have patience. Pray to Allah. Use this time right now to build your connection with Him. Serve your parents as much as you can. They are your doors to heaven and when you get married you can’t serve them as much as you can right now. Utilize this time and you’ll see Allah’s hand working in your life and making your story beautiful. Whether it’s filled with death, pain, loss, or even a divorce - the story is wonderful because God wrote it and wanted it to be that way.
Apologies for the long answer. I think it’s a dillema many Muslims are facing and so I wanted to give an elaborate response perhaps it will help one person out there.